D-E-N-I-A-L

What a bad morning I had. I was prepared yesterday for bad news at the doctor's today. Although, not as prepared as I probably should have been. Because without BAD medical luck I'd have no luck at all.

Today, I show up for my regular follow up appointment. It's been two weeks since my last appointment. Every two weeks I get the pleasure of going back for them to evaluate my condition and to determine the next step. I was told 2 weeks ago that I likely wouldn't even get out of the boot this time. And, that xrays would be done again to see how things are progressing.

I arrive promptly for my appointment at 9am. At 9:10am the receptionist informs me that my doctor is no longer with the practice and that well, they would have called me except my phone number wasn't listed next to my name in the appointment log (um, do I have a chart >:/). So, would I like to see Doctor A or Doctor B instead. Hmm, well....I guess I'll see Doctor A since that's who I saw the first day after the injury and then she left on a mission to Thailand for a month. By the way, she's the one who squeezed my stress fractures AND then said "Does this hurt" after I burst into instant tears and almost kicked her in the face. Then, she told me I was a little bit crazy for asking if I could run again in 6 weeks. At that time I didn't know what kind of injury I had...and I was just asking.

45 minutes after my appointment time I finally make my way back to the exam room. 15 minutes later she comes in and says she's reviewed the chart and is up to date. However, once again she starts to grab my ankle RIGHT where the stress fractures are. I pulled my foot away and said...have you read the whole chart? She said yes and opened the page where the MRI showed merely 2 findings in the foot. I informed her that there was a second page to that report and that in total I have 8 findings in the foot and ankle and 3 of which are stress fractures. Her eyes got big...so apparently she hadn't read the whole thing huh? Ok, so we restart after she goes over the whole history with me (I hate hate hate repeating things to doctors but I'm petrified she'll grab me again so I don't leave any details out...hard to believe that about me I know.)

I start feeling like this was all a big mistake. I'm about to go into full doctor avoidance mode any minute. I can just thank her for her time and leave. If the pain I had 3 weeks ago hadn't have been the worst pain I had ever known in my life that's exactly what I would have done. Thanks but I'm done...back under my rock of avoidance and carry on with my poor preforming body.

An hour later I finally emerge from the exam room. She gave me quite an earful about many things. I got my new xray and I was happy that for the first time in 8 weeks the xray process of turning my foot and ankle didn't reduce me to tears on the table. However, I am fully overwhelmed by what the doctor wants to do next.

We are still treating the current problem. Which is two-fold. One heal and two, figure out why this is healing so slowly. Problem number 1...the boot. The boot was not designed for a patient to wear longer than 8 weeks. I currently am suffering from new, additional pain because of THE BOOT! Problem number 2...I am healing but at a rather slow pace. I have a history of some possible Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus type disorders (that I gave up on 2 years ago because I got frustrated with the process of diagnosing and testing...remember that rock? I was able to fully hide under there until now). However, if I do actually have either one of those conditions we could be beating our heads on the wall with this injury and we're needing steroids to treat. This all means I have to go back to my Rheumatologist to get more tests for that.

So, for the current treatment of the immediate needs. Stay in the boot, go back on crutches anytime I am on my feet longer than one hour per day. Continue physical therapy 3 times a week. Go back to my Rheumatologist and let her know what's going on.

Next, this doctor wants to know WHY I had such a severe injury. So, off to the bone density scanner I go. It's possible that due to "female issues" I've had all my life that I could actually already have Osteoporosis. She also believes that I may have developed athletic Female Triad from a hormonal imbalance coupled with poor nutrition and over training. This often causes the bones to fracture easier. I'm ordered on an array of vitamins and minerals.

And, lastly...prevention. I'm off to the Podiatric Surgeon for an evaluation and custom made Orthotics to correct my mechanics.

IF I don't just decide that this is all just too overwhelming and I go back under that rock where no one bothers me.

I don't like all these people touching me, probing me and evaluating me. I prefer the quick fix and send me on my way. I know I'm defective, broken and bruised. No...I've never been pain free and all these people give me hopes of being pain free and then my hopes are dashed. So, no thanks!

I don't have time for this. And, for some reason doctors make me feel bad when I say that. I am a mom, I have 4 kids. I don't have cancer and I'm not dying. There are many more people in the world who are worse off than me. I just need to get these kids where they need to be and that's my number one priority. I don't think I'm over scheduled (well, sometimes I am...but usually it works out). I don't do anything more than the average mom...I just do it times 4.