Poop Balls in the Washer-Chapter 2

I can't remember if I blogged about this. But, several months ago I decided I was going to write a parenting book that captured all those ridiculously laughable moments of parenthood that they just DO NOT tell you about.

So, the title of my book is "Poop Balls in the Washing Machine". I'm pretty sure that you can guess what scenario brought that title on. It was literally poop in the washer. *sigh* life with a toddler can be so entertaining.

I digress...I'm easily distracted these days.

Today was one of those days where we can now write the second chapter. Let's call it "it all started with a DNA Sample and ended with a everyone crying".

Too bad for me (the mom in this story) that I came in halfway through the story and spent all day piecing it back together.

I had just finished a really hard workout at the gym. I walk into the childcare area to collect my kids and the sister of the regular caregiver Sonya says your daughter was very naughty and mean to her sister today. Now mind you, Sonya has been the caregiver every morning for over a year now. She loves my kids. But, Sonya doesn't speak much English and she giggles a lot when I ask the girls how they behaved. So, Sonya's sister Ivonne was at the gym yesterday and today. I'm thinking she doesn't like Isabella much anyway, but whatever, there's only 7 more days until school starts.

Back to my story. Sophia pulls out a tissue and shows me a clump of hair. Ivonne and Sophia tell me that Isabella did that to Sophia. I give Isabella the death glare and tell her to remove herself immediately and go sit on the chairs at the gym lobby until I gather my belongings and my kids and we go home. So, then as I'm collecting myself Ivonne states that that is not all....that when Isabella was informed that they would be telling her mom what she did she said "F*ck it".

Whoa...halt...WHAT?!?! Complete and utter shock washes over me. My hand flys up to my mouth, I glance over at Isabella and she's standing there like nothing is wrong.

I growl under my breath, go up front now and do not say one word to me. We will discuss this in the car. She preforms the death march down the hallway and out the gym. Complete silence falls over the rest of the Ubaydi children....momma growled, do not speak, fear for your life.

I get to the car and I can't speak out loud. So, I start texting Rami and other people who help me make decisions about what to do when I am paralyzed. Never ever let your child see you paralyzed. You have to just keep uttering, don't talk to me now, I'm so mad I can't speak. I'm gathering control...

So, I drive silently home, thinking, contemplating. What exactly is the punishment here? I mean, why am I shocked? I knew eventually that my kids would cuss right? I just didn't expect it at 6 days away from her 9th birthday.

So, I pull in the driveway and decided. Straight to your room, put everything you own in laundry baskets and put them in my room. All you have left is your clothing and your bed. Solitary confinement for 1 hour until I decide what to do. Then you will wash your own mouth out with soap and do such a good job that I will see bubbles flowing. Oh and by the way the new computer you've been enjoying is on lock down for one week (after your birthday).

So, a little time passes and I decide it's time for the soap. I walk upstairs and pump 4 squirts of hand soap on her hand and instruct her how to put it in so that she gets every nook and cranny. After she has everything scrubbed up, before she can rinse I demand to know exactly where in the world she heard such naughty language from. I want names, dates, people and places! She stares at me like I'm crazy and simply states....

"What's wrong with the word fine?"

Whoa, what?!?! Halt!!!! Panic sets in. Quick rinse your mouth and repeat what happened for me.

When Sonya and Ivonne said they'd tell your mom what did you say to them? She replied, I said fine (mumbled/under breath) and I rolled my eyes. Ok, now I need confirmation of this...SOPHIA!!!! Sophia, what did Isabella say when they told her they'd tell her mom? Sophia replied, she mumbled fine and rolled her eyes.

Oh Geez! Please pass me the bad mom award now. I forgot the cardinal rule, always talk first and punish second. So, now what?

I continued on about how it's still not appropriate to cut your sisters hair, at which point she said I pulled it out, i didn't cut it. Lovely! Can I scream yet?

Ok, so your punishment is reduced to time served and you're still ground from your computer. Then she also got the Godfather speech about how your should always represent your family when you're out in public and if she was more well behaved then maybe they wouldn't have thought she said a naughty word.

On with our day right?

Well, Dad calls at dinner time and Isabella is telling him the story and she tells him that it all started when Ava requested a DNA sample from Sophia. And, Isabella was in charge of obtaining the DNA sample. So, she pulled out a strand but a clump came out instead.

Seriously...I dare not make this stuff up. It's all Ava's fault. Who knew? My little scientist, who has been gathering DNA samples started it all. And, it took me nearly 8 hours to get to the bottom of it and somehow...it all makes sense to me.